"Why Does Everyone Hate Me?"

This is a question I find myself asking all the time. Let's break it down. First of all, who is everyone? You are probably thinking of one girl in school who is just a dumb hobag. Secondly, everyone hates me? That is a huge assumption and is an opinion, not a fact. We Bipolar ladies need to practice something called nonjudgmental stance. When we catch ourselves thinking something like that about ourselves, its important to take a step back and say "Okay, that's an opinion, it's not necessarily true."

When you're bipolar, your symptoms include paranoia. Now I never thought I had paranoia because I imagined that paranoia meant thinking the people on Jeopardy are talking about you. While that notion IS a possibility in extreme cases, your paranoia probably manifests itself in a more subtle form. For me, it has to do largely with what other people think. "People are talking about me." "My friends are sick of me." "No one likes me." I'd come up with these thoughts out of nowhere, even after a fun night out with my friends. The most helpful weapon against these harmful thoughts is to recognize them for what they are, JUDGMENTS. Judgments that result from a paranoid bipolar mind. Yes, it sucks to think these things but the more you learn to identify them for what they are, the less of a hold they will have on you.

Aside from the paranoia, there is some really shitty, unfair news. Bipolar Disorder is highly stigmatized. That means that uninformed people have inaccurate, negative ideas about what it means to be Bipolar that they probably got from their stupid parents or bad TV. You WILL come into contact with these people. I struggle everyday between being myself and hiding the truth for fear that boyfriends and friends will go running in the opposite direction if they knew that I was bipolar. And yes, I have lost friends over it. It broke my heart to hear one of my best guy friends whom I had lived with tell me that my former group of friends was hesitant to hang out with me because I was "too much of a liability." Are you fucking kidding dude? I decided that having such moronic and prejudiced friends was too much of a liability for me. I want to spend my valuable time on people that will be there for me no matter what- and those people do exist! You might just not know which ones they are yet. I promise you, you'd think I was like the Hulk- doomed to wander the Earth alone while wearing shorts that are way too short for me. I am a handful and I can be a real bitch. But I have a core group of friends and family that I know will be there for me no matter what. Trust me, it took some patience and I battled with excruciating loneliness for a long time. Just do me a favor and know that if somebody can't handle you at your worst, they definitely don't deserve you at your best. Marilyn Monroe said that, I'm pretty sure.

Hang in there! You can find other people just like you in group therapy, online forums, and understanding friends (They do exist). Remember, if you have any questions or topics you'd like me to write about, I am happy to take your suggestions.

Your Understanding Bipolar Friend,

QB